Seven months later, three big announcements..

Here's to a blog I never update...

Three big announcements...

In no particular order....

1. I'm engaged to and blessed by an incredible and amazing man of God.

2. This man, David, and I will be starting our lives together in north-west Ohio.

3. We're getting married on Oct. 3, 2009.

How's that for an update?

This earthly life is about to take a huge turn. And in the midst of this wonderful news, I'm still even more in awe of God's amazing grace and awesome power.

As Paul says..."I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." Phil. 3: 8-9

I pray for all my single sisters, that you will wait, be patient and prepared to meet the man God has fashioned to be your helpmate, to be your other half.

Back in May I opened up about feeling incredibly unworthy of the grace God gives during one of David and I's first conversations. Our exchange went something like this...

"Sometimes I just don't feel worthy, like I messed up too bad," I said.

"Stop. Who are you in Christ, Kayla?" David asked.

"Umm, I'm a sheep, I'm party of his family...I'm a child." I said.

"Well, what does that make you?" he replied. "Who does that make you?"

"Uhh....." long pause.......... "A princess?"

"Yes, Kayla, you are a princess. You are royalty, co-heirs with Christ. You are no longer a slave to this world, but a daughter of the King. A Princess. What princess doesn't go to her King when she's not well off?.... Go to Him."

The rest of the conversation took place between my little sobs and a weight of humility because I started to clearly see God's plan slowly revealing itself for my future mate .

The steps I have taken, the things I have done, the things which have transpired have all led to the moment I said "Yes, I'll marry you." And they will continue. Finding my mate doesn't mean my life is going to be peachy from here on out. I can guarantee it will not be that way. The wedding is just one day...then after comes a marriage, which is not easy (so all my married friends tell me).

David and I are praising the Lord together for blessing us with this relationship, but we continue in prayer, asking for guidance and clarity of where we're supposed to go, what we're supposed to do to spread the Gospel. Please pray for us.

And, remember dear reader, that Jesus is the answer. The death He willingly went through on the cross paid the price for our sins, our failings, our weaknesses. It's only by Him and the free gift of salvation and grace, that we can fully understand life.

He is life.

Amen.

"For by Him (Jesus) all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17

A little bit of peace

I wanted to share a journal entry from Nov. 21, 2005... nearly 15 days after I came back to the Lord, after my college days... it brought me some peace this evening.

"... I need courage, strength and love. Lord, I praise You. I love You. Thank You for working in me, on my heart and on my mind. I am so happy for this opportunity I have. I ask that you continue to use me in every way... Lord Jesus, set me on fire. Let me burn with Your Love and Your fire, Your hope. You are my Joy, regardless of anything "good" that comes into my life, You will be the only thing I leave this earth with. I will hold onto You. I will cherish Your love, grasp onto You with my entire being. Thank you so much, Jesus..."

"For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." Romans 14:7-8

Summer vacation = spanglish, bucket showers, dirt, and love

One of the benefits of working at an awesome non-profit is PTO (paid time off)! I've been blessed with a career where my PTO time is fairly high, enabling me to take a nice long summer vacation. So, about two months ago I started praying for a good vacation idea: Someplace I could retreat to and just spend time alone with our Creator God and His marvelous creation. I researched tropical vacation spots, plane tickets, cheap traveling ideas, etc. When I started researching "tropical mission trips" it hit me -- I'm not going on vacation for "me-time," I'm going on vacation for God. I'm breathing for God. I'm yearning for God through every step I take. If God wants to send me to northern Canada while I'm on vacation then so be it. I'll pack a parka and fly to Canada.

Since international missions is such a desire in my heart, I knew that how God wanted to use me during my vacation time would be out of the ordinary, and out of this country.

I still receive the weekly newsletter from the church I went to as a child and around the time I was searching for an opportunity a small announcement appeared in the newsletter about a wild summer vacation idea: build a house in Mexico.

To the dear readers who know me well, I know what you're thinking -- Kayla+tools+hilly terrain=disaster. I can assure you, dear friends, that through God all things are possible :) Plus many of you know that I spent a week scoring and hanging dry-wall one time. I can help build a house. I did it when I was in high school -- did you know that?

From July 26-Aug. 3 I will be joining about 15 other people from my community on a trip to the northern baja peninsula of Mexico, just south of the California/Mexico border. During our short trip we will get to know a Mexican family very well while we're building them a new home. The families that receive help from Amor Ministries (http://www.amor.org/) are those who face extreme poverty and are living in shambles.

There, in the middle of poverty-stricken Mexico, will be a beautiful mess of inexperienced construction workers who, through the spirit, build a house. This will be a home that will be built in Jesus' name. A home with a firm, solid foundation. A home where the walls were nailed together with love. A home where the roof was placed while the workers were singing loud praise songs. A home where the workers were molded more into their model, Jesus, as they put the finishing touches on the home.

As I prepare my heart for this trip I will update more. I do have a few requests from you guys, though.

Please join me in praying for our group. Right now, pray that God would start preparing us for the challenges and obstacles we may face (finances, language barrier, poverty, no running water or electricity). And pray for the family we will be helping that week.

Thank you, dear readers. :)

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20 (NKJV)

Thank you, Father, for providing this opportunity. I ask that you would use our group as your hands as we build this family a new home. I pray that you use us wholly. Let our beings pour out your love and spirit everyday. I love you, Lord! I Praise Your Name, Abba. Thank you for everything you've done for us, from the cross to today. Use me, and my brothers and sisters, as a vessel for your love -- with every breath we take. Amen. :)

A missing wallet; A Lesson

"Why, God?" I asked as I was moving furniture around my living room. "Where is it?!?"

As I bent over and peered under the blue lazy boy, tears started to pour..."why?" I asked again.

My mind reeled as I attempted to re-trace my steps from the night before, when I last used my wallet.

"Okay," I told myself, "I had it at Kroger, used my debit card.....I couldn't find it today when I was at Jiffy Lube....oh, stupid car, why, God, does it keep on breaking...why did I have to lose my wallet today, of all days...why? i don't understand"

Tears continued to pour as I started to lose hope in finding what contained my driver's license, social security card, debit card, business cards, insurance card, $50, and my "carry in my pocket" cross from my great-grandmother.

As I called Kroger and Jiffy Lube, and hearing "I'm sorry, I don't' see anything" My hope shattered into tiny little pieces.

I called my mom, as I do when any crisis situation presents itself in my life, and she lovingly responded "what do you want me to do about it, honey?"

I then called Nina and blew off my steam to her while letting my dramatic emotions get a hold of me. "I don't understand why this stuff happens to me?"

Oh, woe is Kayla.

I called my bank and had my debit card cancelled, started doing research as to how I could get a new driver's license without my social security card, and how I could get a new social security card without a driver's license. I possessed nothing that could claim I was an American Citizen. At that point, I felt like I was nothing. I had no identity.

There was no way I just lost my wallet. I had to blame something or someone, because I'm too smart to lose something as important as a wallet. "It was the Jiffy Lube man who took my wallet!!" I decided as I wrote a long e-mail to Nina later that night.

I, I, I, me, me, me... why me, the e-mail continued. Anger poured out of my fingers and onto the computer screen of my Sister. I suppressed my remaining hope as I wrote what was probably the meanest e-mail little Nina has ever seen me write.

By now it was about 11 p.m. I was tired and decided to call my mother again so she could get me my two last forms of "identity" -- my passport and birth certificate, which are stored in our family lock-box. I walked out to my living room to get some reception on my cell phone and a shine of turquoise caught my eye as I glanced down.

There it was.

My wallet.

It was laying in the middle of the living room floor. Out there for all eyes to see.

Now this sudden wallet appearance can be one of many things: I like to think of it as a little miracle from God. It was a lesson.

"Woah", I said. "Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm such a selfish woman."

My identity should never be about what's in my wallet, what's on my business card, who my friends are, who my family is, how I dress, how my hair is styled, or even what church I go to.

My identity needs to be in Christ alone.

I would have survived if I lost my worldly identification. I could have gone back through the system and got all new pieces of ID, a new debit card and so on. It would have been possible.

What if I lost all hope in Christ? What If I lost Him?

I can't walk in darkness. As Jesus says in John 11:10 "But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him."

I can't go forward without Christ. I'll fall. It'll be worse than the panic I had after I lost the wallet.

It's in Christ alone that I breath, live and shine. "I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness," Jesus said (John 12:46)

Christ alone took on all my sins, died and rose again in shining Glory just so I can claim my identity in Him. With Him I have no fear of death, no fear of a lost identity. He choose Me and with Him I have hope, everlasting hope, and am Light.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy."1 Peter 2:9-10

A Loves Return

One of my many passions is music.

I enjoy listening to it.
I enjoy attempts of dancing to it.
I enjoy singing to it.

I enjoy making it even more.

Yesterday, on the one day of the year that commemorates "love," my dad came by with a bouquet of flowers, hugged me and then said he would have me reunited with my love, my piano, today.

By 4 p.m., I had my very beautiful upright piano in my apartment, and out of my parents house, for the first time ever.

I vividly recall the day George and Brenda, along with my parents, crammed it through our front door and into the living room. I remember standing and marveling at it's shiny cherry wood and white keys.

It was a beauty.
It was my beauty.

I was five and my feet dangled off the bench as I tinkered with a variety of crudely sounding chords. Mom soon had me signed up with one of the best piano teachers in the county (perhaps the crude chords were getting to be too much) and a few years after that, I could read music and play several simple lullabies.

That was nearly 20 years ago. Now, I have my beauty back. I've re-claimed my piano. It's home now. Praise the Lord!

My lovely piano and myself have shared many, many intimate moments. When Annie died, my piano became a place where I grieved. When mom and I would argue, my piano was a place where I could creatively "bang" out my frustration. When I suffered high-school heart-ache, my piano became a place where I would cry through my fingertips. When I was happy and in the throws of young-love, my piano became a place where my joy would be on display. When I yearned to worship, my piano became my soul. When I got ready to leave for college, my piano became a place where memories were recorded.

Now, when I want to cry, laugh, creatively yell, worship, praise, and sing, I have my piano again!!

"Praise Him with a blast of the ram's horn;
praise Him with the lyre and harp!
Praise Him with a clash of cymbals;
praise Him with loud clanging cymbals.
Let everything that breathes sing praises to the LORD!
Praise the LORD!" Psalm 150:3-6 (NLT)

Father, thank you for the gift of music. You're beauty is so evident throughout creation and through music, and I Praise You for that. I look forward to getting to worship and praise You every minute of every day in Your Kingdom.

Thank you for blessing me with my piano, and with my ability to play it. Lord, help me use this skill to bring You glory and to Sing Praises to You!

Hello, My Name is Kayla.

Dear Reader,

Hi. My name is Kayla.

I'm a twenty-something single Christian woman. I've recently accepted this fact.

I live in rural Indiana, surronded by dead horticulture in the winter, blossoming life in spring, lush agriculture in the summer and rusty colors in the fall.

I like to hike when it's 65 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze from the south-west. I like to hike off the path, find a quite place, sit down, close my eyes and listen to God's creation. I usually bring a journal around in case inspiration blows my way. When it does, I can write for hours.

I have lengthy list of what I want to do with my life.

The most recent day-dream that overtook me was working in a used bookstore in the heart of Chicago. I would live above the store on hardwood floors. My home would have 20 foot ceilings, exposed brick, an array of bold colors and ferns. Phillip, the cat, is there too. I would sit on a window seat overlooking the bustle underneath and marvel at how I, a small-town Indiana girl, ended up in Chicago. I would then bundle up in my houndstooth coat and scarlet scarf and walk to the coffee shop that's right across the street. There with my mac-book I would sit and e-mail Rachel, telling her how awesome Chicago is... In the middle of my possibly incoherent e-mail, I look up and walking in is my heartbeat. He's tall, has long dark dreadlocks and carries a copy of Blue Like Jazz and his Bible in his left hand. His gaze catches mine and my heart won't stop racing. "Good afternoon, beautiful" he says as he sits down. We talk -- every now and then he reaches up and brushes the hair from my face. I'm smitten. "Thank You, Lord," my soul sings after he kisses my forehead. "thank you for bringing me to my other half, the one You created for me."

Reader, as you can see, I day-dream a lot.

Reader, I also want you to see that I'm working towards becoming a self-less individual who is concerned about bringing justice to those who are overlooked in the system. I don't sit around and day-dream all day long. :)

I want to feed the hungry.

I want to serve others.

I want to be married and serve others with my husband.

I have a longing to support and work in international missions. I sometimes think this is my calling. I get really excited and tearful when I think or talk about it.

I want to spread the Gospel. I want to Love. I want my being to pour out true Love. I want someone to see me and know, without me opening my mouth, that I am filled with Jesus. I want those Jesus-sparkles in my eyes.

I want to learn how to dance.

Reader, I want you to know that I love you.

I love You.

Most importantly, reader, I want you to know that our infamous, Creator God -- the One who gave you tears, laughter and breath, Loves You. He even became Man (Jesus) and took on the evil of this world on a wooden cross. He died and after three days, took a breath and got up.

With that breath, God gave us salvation.

Reader, believe that and your entire perception will drastically change. Breathing, laughing, loving and living will be radiant. You shall shine.

I want you to believe that, Reader.

I also want you to know that I am not perfect. Christians aren't perfect.

I have many flaws. I stumble, fall and cry. I don't understand life at times. I have issues.

I smile when I really don't want to smile. I cry when all I want to do is smile.

I need encouragement.

As Nina would say, I'm on edge a lot.

I sometimes pretend to know who I am when I really have no clue.

I know I am a child of God. I know I am loved. I know the spirit dwells in me.

I know I want to be a wife, mother, writer, encourager, source of help and love, and a giver of free hugs and prayers someday. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

I want you, reader, to meet me someday. I want my life to leave a legacy of Love. I want my words to encourage you to get in the Word, pray and develop an intimate relationship with Jesus.

I want this blog to be a place where I can share my thoughts, difficulties and triumphs as I walk with Jesus.

With that said, dear Reader, please join me in this venture.

Father, thank you for your Son and the salvation I have through Him. You, my dear creator, are abounding grace and mercy, and I thank YOU and praise YOU for that.

Lord help me daily discover who I am in You. Carry me, give me a peace that passes all understanding when I need it and give me the courage to wait on You.

Your plans are perfect, Lord. Help me rest in that. When I am impatient, grant me patience, when I am sad, guide me to Your Word. Help me use the Joy you've given me to bring more people to know You.

When I get hung-up and am feeling down, let me rest in your lap, Abba, and feel Your warm arms surrond me. For the things of this world will pass, but You are everlasting, ever-loving and ever-beautiful.

Please open doors that need to be opened, and bolt doors that are closed in my life. Push me through open doors if I hesistate, Lord.

Cleanse my mind, search my heart, and change what needs to be changed so that I can be who You have created me to be.

Lord, I'm willing. Break me, mold me, shape me.