A missing wallet; A Lesson

"Why, God?" I asked as I was moving furniture around my living room. "Where is it?!?"

As I bent over and peered under the blue lazy boy, tears started to pour..."why?" I asked again.

My mind reeled as I attempted to re-trace my steps from the night before, when I last used my wallet.

"Okay," I told myself, "I had it at Kroger, used my debit card.....I couldn't find it today when I was at Jiffy Lube....oh, stupid car, why, God, does it keep on breaking...why did I have to lose my wallet today, of all days...why? i don't understand"

Tears continued to pour as I started to lose hope in finding what contained my driver's license, social security card, debit card, business cards, insurance card, $50, and my "carry in my pocket" cross from my great-grandmother.

As I called Kroger and Jiffy Lube, and hearing "I'm sorry, I don't' see anything" My hope shattered into tiny little pieces.

I called my mom, as I do when any crisis situation presents itself in my life, and she lovingly responded "what do you want me to do about it, honey?"

I then called Nina and blew off my steam to her while letting my dramatic emotions get a hold of me. "I don't understand why this stuff happens to me?"

Oh, woe is Kayla.

I called my bank and had my debit card cancelled, started doing research as to how I could get a new driver's license without my social security card, and how I could get a new social security card without a driver's license. I possessed nothing that could claim I was an American Citizen. At that point, I felt like I was nothing. I had no identity.

There was no way I just lost my wallet. I had to blame something or someone, because I'm too smart to lose something as important as a wallet. "It was the Jiffy Lube man who took my wallet!!" I decided as I wrote a long e-mail to Nina later that night.

I, I, I, me, me, me... why me, the e-mail continued. Anger poured out of my fingers and onto the computer screen of my Sister. I suppressed my remaining hope as I wrote what was probably the meanest e-mail little Nina has ever seen me write.

By now it was about 11 p.m. I was tired and decided to call my mother again so she could get me my two last forms of "identity" -- my passport and birth certificate, which are stored in our family lock-box. I walked out to my living room to get some reception on my cell phone and a shine of turquoise caught my eye as I glanced down.

There it was.

My wallet.

It was laying in the middle of the living room floor. Out there for all eyes to see.

Now this sudden wallet appearance can be one of many things: I like to think of it as a little miracle from God. It was a lesson.

"Woah", I said. "Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm such a selfish woman."

My identity should never be about what's in my wallet, what's on my business card, who my friends are, who my family is, how I dress, how my hair is styled, or even what church I go to.

My identity needs to be in Christ alone.

I would have survived if I lost my worldly identification. I could have gone back through the system and got all new pieces of ID, a new debit card and so on. It would have been possible.

What if I lost all hope in Christ? What If I lost Him?

I can't walk in darkness. As Jesus says in John 11:10 "But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him."

I can't go forward without Christ. I'll fall. It'll be worse than the panic I had after I lost the wallet.

It's in Christ alone that I breath, live and shine. "I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness," Jesus said (John 12:46)

Christ alone took on all my sins, died and rose again in shining Glory just so I can claim my identity in Him. With Him I have no fear of death, no fear of a lost identity. He choose Me and with Him I have hope, everlasting hope, and am Light.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy."1 Peter 2:9-10