Marriage

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a few weeks, but nothing really ever came out. It has served as a nice white space which I could fill with lots of uninhibited rhetoric, which is something that could be very therapeutic right now . Usually the posts would start with a ridiculous  saying about marriage: for example: Marriage is like a box of chocolates…you just never know what you're gonna get. 

Anyway, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m married now. At the risk of sounding very cliché, I’ve earned my MRS, which entitles me to warm hugs in the morning, feet rubs at night, gross husband  farts, strong arms to hold me, and a lot of  love, and kisses. And I love him. I love him.

He loves me. He prays for me. He reads me scripture every night (we’re in Joshua right now). On our wedding night, well, it was very romantic… I’d like to keep a veil over that and  cherish it.

Marriage is… different. It definitely wasn’t what I had expected it to be.  I would DREAM about this time.  Being a newlywed is supposed to be the best time of your life, right?

This has been the strangest time, though, as my situation is probably different than most newlyweds.  I moved to a huge city from a small rural town. My family, beautiful nephews, and friends are all five hours south west of me. 

Homesickness cannot be cured by my husband’s  hugs and kisses. Does it even have a cure?

I may always ache for gravel roads, the tart smell of fertilizer, my nephews racing to greet me with huge grins, and for my mom and dad’s hugs.  Right now, all that seems to be working is consistent prayer, and a realization that David is my home now.  And I am SO blessed that he is.

Please pray for us.

Marriage is…lovely. David is amazing. He is my other half. I know when he’s up to something – he gets these sparkles, little glints of mischief in his eyes. I look forward to the day when we can finish each other’s sentences without saying a word.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful man as my leader.

Home

I never really knew what "bittersweet" meant until five days ago.


As 7 a.m. rushed in, I took my cat, Phillip, and placed him in my little red car, crammed to the brim with clothes, sheets, towels, boxes and shoes.



Sigh.



This was it.



Small town nostalgia and rich memories clouded over as I gazed at the blinking seat belt sign.



Sigh.



This is it.



My life, turning a new page...starting a new adventure. Keep me at peace, Lord.

I miss the rural simplicity of New Market already.

Although, I am enjoying the closeness of everything. I am literally a short walk away from a Panera Bread, the lights of an Applebees light up the neighborhood, and I am only five minutes away from a Target, Old Navy, Kohls, Gander Mountain and Sam's Club...and a bunch of other stores.

It doesn't beat being only three blocks away from my handsome little nephews, four blocks from my parents, and three blocks from my grandparents. It doesn't beat being only ten minutes away from a state park, or being able to drive down a gravel road, surrounded by aging corn stalks.

The convienience of things is sweet, but being away from my family and friends is quite bitter.

David has been so supportive in this move. I haven't been in the best moods, but he has been relentlessly patient and sweet, even when I've reached my last nerve. David is doing so well, and treating me so well. I really am blessed. Thank you for David, Lord.

If you are my sister, or my brother, you know that this world is not our home. We are merely aliens, waiting to get our promotion. As I have searched for where "home" is this week, I have found comfort in knowing that no matter where I go, what I do, where I am living, I have a home in the Lord. He is always there, always waiting for me. Thank you, Jesus.

Gentleness

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1

Be soft, be kind, be loving, be gentle, be humble, be quiet, be peaceful, be selfless.

Maybe it's a culmination of all the great words of advice friends and family gave me on Sunday at the bridal shower, or maybe it's just something God's trying to tell me...Whatever it is, I'm fully attentive.

Work on me, Lord.

Have you ever had one of those days where you have said way too many negative things, especially to the ones you love the most?

Do you ever think "Have I dug myself in a hole? Can I get out? Can they forgive me, even though I continue to say hurtful things?"- or - "How can I respond lovingly to a harsh word? How can someone respond lovingly to something awful I've said?"

The only solution I can think of is to allow God's healing love to slowly change us - morph us, by his spirit, into individuals who can love... and into people who can try their best to show God's love.

I am slowly changing, and I figure this is going to be a life-long process.

Favorite Friday

I'm sitting at work, on break, and wanted to write my Friday Top-Ten list. I've thought a lot about the different types of lists to write, and am stuck between the top-ten things I can cook/bake or the top ten websites I visit daily. Both of these things would be BORING for anyone to read.

So - how about my top-ten dream jobs list?

Kayla's Top-Ten Dream Jobs!

1. Personal shopper. I LOVE fashion!

2. Photographer.

3. Piano Teacher

4. Stay-At-Home Mommy!

5. Soup-Kitchen director

6. Interior Decorator

7. Writer

8. Homeless-Shelter director

9. Wedding Planner

10. Kindergarten Teacher.

bloggin' is fun, updatin' is not so much...

I really wanted to keep this blog updated on a daily basis. It has proven to be a difficult task as this is kind-of a crazy time. In the next seven weeks I am leaving my job, moving to another state, getting married, going honeymooning in Puerto Rico, etc.

After all that is done, I have to get settled into my role as a wife, learn how to get around in a huge new city, and look for a new job. ack!

I had my first bridal shower yesterday. It was fun! My favorite gift is the recipe book my mum made me - she took all of our family favorites, typed them out and put them on colored paper in a really cool, colorful binder. It was extremely special and heart-warming!

New Market is having a community-wide garage sale on Saturday. I'll be garage-selling outside my apartment from 8 a.m. - 2 p.m. My goal this week is to purge, purge, purge of all my un-needed used things - like old pots and pans, clothes, sheets, towels, a bookshelf, three desks, a china-cabinet, old wall-art, etc. It should be fun. Stop by if you'd like! Anything not sold will be donated to individuals or organizations! Please let me know if you need any of these things!

Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday!!!!

It's hard to update everyday. I have lots on my mind I would love to write about, but taking the time to get the words on electronic paper, grammatically correct, proves to be a time-consuming task.

For a Favorite Friday list, I would like to list my top-ten must-listen-to acoustic/folksy musicians and artists

1. Iron & Wine

2. The Weepies

3. Derek Webb

4. The Shins

5. Jose Gonzalez

6. Ingrid Michaelson

7. Nick Drake

8. Danny Donnelly (solo worship albums)

9. Sufjan Stevens

10. Cat Power (their older stuff - mainly the Covers Album)

For Sensational Saturday:

David and I saw a HUGE turtle attempting to take the exit from Buck Road to I-75 S in Rossford, Ohio, last Saturday. What's funny is the sign posted by the exits, which lets us know that farm machinery, bicycles and animals are prohibited from taking I-75...seriously.

I named the HUGE slow-moving turtle Dusty. When we came back to rescue him, he was already gone. Hopefully he didn't get charged with un-lawful animal trespassing on the interstate.

For Meaningful Monday and Together Tuesday:

I wear a dark-green braided/knotted bracelet on my right wrist. David made it for me this around time last year. I haven't gone a day without wearing it. It's made from parachute rope and will never break. He always says "the day those knots on that bracelet breaks on their own is the day we're over." So, needless to say, I've take extra special care of the bracelet.

I probably will wear it for the wedding. I probably will be wearing it while I'm giving birth to our first child. I probably will give it to our first daughter or son whenever they leave home... Hopefully it will be a meaningful heirloom that will be passed down.

I have three upcoming bridal showers. The first one is this Sunday, and I am really excited! David's family will be here this weekend for it - and I'm really pumped-up about showing them around Crawfordsville. Any suggestions of must-see places? I was thinking the Lane Place, Lew-Wallace Study and Chapel Books' Agape Praise Fest.

wacko wednesday and thoughtful Thursday...

I cannot think of anything wacky or funny for the Wednesday post. Sorry :(

I really want to learn how to post youtube videos on my blog. Is that possible?

Today's thought: "Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side" - Jewish Proverb.

I just wrapped up a group meeting for some of our work clients. Tonight we talked about couponing and frugal living. It was interesting. The speaker brought in a receipt she kept from a purchase in which she bought $650 worth of groceries and only spent $.49 -- not forty nine dollars, but forty nine cents! She did that back when Kroger used to do their triple coupon days. Amazing. I would love to shadow her sometime! She gave everyone a coupon caddy to get started - I even got one and am going to TRY to start as David and I will be on a pretty tight budget soon.

Today's Tuesday Post

Today really isn't Tuesday, it's Wednesday.

I'm on break at work, so this will be quick.

Together Tuesday blog will be short.

There are many, many things I am absolutely scared about with David and mine's upcoming marriage. I know God will get us through each and every bump we're going to face, and I know He has given us brains to deal with these situations and the courage we need to step out in faith. I know this, and I know that I need to completely rest in it.

A friend recently told me that marriage is the BIGGEST test of dying to self. I'm starting to see why.

I've lived on my own for about 8 years so far (college included). I've bought my own groceries, washed and dried my own clothes, planned and prepared my own meals, lived my own budget, dealt with my own problems, transported myself in my own car to my own job, etc. In two months, that's all going to change...and I'm not complaining, I just know it's going to be a transition that will require me to be more selfless than I've ever been.

I trust David. God brought us together and will give David the wisdom he needs in order to lead me and our future family. I am going to have to learn how to completely submit and completely trust that David and God know exactly what they are doing. It's David's job as a husband that will be the hardest...and I have to realize that more and more.

I heard Beth Moore once quote another pastor saying that submission means ducking so your husband gets hit. I'm so blessed by having a man who has broad shoulders, a strong head on his shoulders and a passion and desire to be a witness of Jesus' love to others. David is an amazing, patient, strong and wonderful man of God, and I am so thankful to have him as my future husband.

Chisel away, Lord. Help me learn the importance of submitting to your will and to the man you have created me to be with. Help us have a strong marriage that shines your love and is an example to others of the Church. Mold us together and let our marriage glorify you above all else. Thank you for David and for bringing him into my life. Help me learn how to be a Godly woman and wife to David. Help us take faithful steps in our life, and give David the strength he needs as a leader. Thank you for Jesus and for the grace and freedom we have through him.

Anyone have any wise words of wisdom on submission and wifehood? Anyone has any "tricks" up there sleeves that have worked when you've wanted to take over and control?

Just another manic Monday..wooo ohhhh

I'm planning a wedding, working full-time, spending my spare time looking for a new job in a new state, trying to figure out a budget, trying to develop a healthy pre-marriage relationship with my fiance who lives four hours away and who I only get to see on the weekends, and learning about the importance of submission (not the easiest thing for me!)

It's pretty stressful right now, which is why I rely heavily on the Word of God to provide comfort, hope and peace in this craziness.

(Have you ever read the Bible? If not, start with the book of John :) Pretty amazing stuff, and it's truth!)

My friend, Faith, used to have a verse on her fridge when she lived in Crawfordsville - from Nahum 1:3, which says " The LORD is slow to anger and great in power. And the LORD will by no means leave the guilty unpunished. In whirlwind and storm is His way, And the clouds are the dust beneath His feet." (NASB translation)

She had another version, and only a portion of the verse on her fridge, and it has always stuck with me. "God's way is in the whirlwind and the storm."

The most significant areas of my personal relationship with Jesus have happened when I've hit rock bottom, when I'm stuck in the middle of a storm and when everything is going haywire around me. God is my one constant, and it's through him and in him that I have my being. His way will prevail, no matter how hectic life seems... And that is so comforting and so very meaningful to me. :)

So..if you're also having a manic Monday, stop, take a deep breath, look to the heavens and open up the Bible and read... Be comforted knowing that God will prevail, and He will bring peace.

Sensational Saturday

All things extraordinary!

That's the subtitle for my Sensational Saturday blog.

Here's something I've recently found extraordinary (you may find it completely stupid).... While eating my lunch and sitting at a picnic table at Milligan Park last week, a very curious squirrel came right up next to me. So close that I could literally reach out and touch it if I wanted.

Afraid of contracting rabies, I casually threw a chip past him to see if he would leave. He ran after the chip, grabbed it and ran about five feat from the picnic table where he munched on the chip. Once the chip was consumed, he came back to the table, even more daring than before. I just sat there and looked at him. His little nose was sniffing and his beady eyes were glued on me. So, I threw him another chip.

This continued for about five or six chips. After the last chip, I was concerned that his little squirrel body couldn't handle anymore of the fried potatoes. I got up and went to my car to finish my lunch, hoping he would forget where I was. Well, this little squirrel followed me to my car and stood right by the door. Finally, I had to roll up the windows and pretend that he wasn't there. After about five minutes, he eventually ran off.

I have never known a squirrel to do this - it was abnormal squirrel behavior...hence it being extraordinary. So, I wrote about it here!

Has anyone else had this squirrely interaction before?

Favorite Friday

I would love to know how to post-date a blog post, but I don't!

So, here is my current list of favorite books for my Friday blog, posted on a Monday :) These are books I've read and re-read so far this spring/summer. Many of them have been made into movies, but please note that I am a big advocate of reading instead of seeing the movie. I haven't seen My Sister's Keeper of The Secret Life of Bees, but I did see The Soloist (which was not as good as the book!)

I highly recommend these books. Some are heavy reading, others are light and easy.

This is a mix between non-fiction and fiction.

1. The HOLY Bible - Author: God.

This is the most important book you can ever read.

2. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

3. Blue Like Jazz - Donald Miller

4. Confessions of A Shopaholic - Sophie Kinsella (I know... cheesy)

5. The Soloist: A Lost Dream, an Unlikely Friendship, and the Redemptive Power of Music - Steve Lopez (amazing. it appropriately addressed the issues of poverty, homelessness, and addiction in the US while telling the story of Nathaniel Ayers and how one journalist was able to provide a sturdy/steady relationship in which trust was built with Nathaniel..and in turn Nathaniel made some pretty significant steps in his life - with the help of his music!)

6. For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of Men - Shaunti Feldhahn (this is an extremely important book and should be required reading for anyone in a relationship or hoping to get into one!)

7. My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult

8. Invisible Kids - Holly Schlaak (I wrote about this a few days ago. I finished it on Friday and HIGHLY recommend it to anyone interested in Foster Care and the social service system which surrounds it).

9. Crazy Love - Francis Chan (I haven't finished this yet, but am currently reading it and LOVING it).

10. The Secret Life Of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

A penny for your thoughts?

Dear friend Hannah visited last night. She is on a mini-Indiana vacation to visit family and friends, and I was so blessed by her company.

Hannah was married almost two years ago and moved away from her Indiana cocoon shortly after. I was able to talk to her about her experiences of living away from the place she had called home for many years, as well as about living on a budget, which is what David and I will have to adamantly do together in about 2 months. It was so refreshing to talk with her about life, marriage, finances, Jesus and future plans :)

Thanks for visiting, Hannah!

Today is Thoughtful Thursday. I really can't think of anything to write about.

I'm reading a book for work called "Invisible Kids" by Holly Schlaack. She writes and discusses things we can do in our own lives, and in the social service field, to better advocate for and take care of kids who are in the foster care system. She also shares stories (absolutely gut-wrenching, inspirational and make-you-want-to-sob ones) about children who were in foster care and how they fell through the cracks of the system. It's a very important book, and I'm glad our CASA program ordered some for us to pass around and read. Co-worker Jennifer and I agree that this book makes us want to be foster parents, which is actually something David and I have seriously discussed recently. :)

I really don't have anything else to say today.

Do you have any thoughts?

Wacky Wednesday

I've have received the following video from three different people in the past week.

It has made me laugh, cry and smile...all at the same time. I would LOVE to do something like this at the wedding, however I know my fiance's family probably wouldn't get into it. It's a little too wacky. :)

Random dancing makes me happy.

A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having.

Click the Link and Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Tuesday Togetherness

"What on earth does he mean?" she pondered as she shut the phone late Thursday night.

Two things she was sure about after their late-nigh conversation. (A) David does not know how to pick out fashionable clothing and (B) David doesn't know what size of dress she can squeeze into.

It was nearing their six month anniversary, although it felt like they had known each other their whole lives. They are two parts completing each other, he told her occassionally. "You have what I lack and I have what you lack." he said. "We were made for each other."

What could he possibly be planning, she thought again as sleep ushered in.

Little did she know that she would be living her dream a few nights after...

David arrived a little behind schedule Saturday night. He called her when he was about 20 minutes away and told her, again, that he was bringing her something new to wear. Worried about his taste, she gracefully agreed to be ready to put on her new something before he wisked her away to a banquet.

"Princess" he called when he got in.

She rushed to the door with tights and a sleep-shirt, ready to go slip on what he brought her to wear.

Much to her amazement, he had brought her the dress she had picked out weeks earlier at Dillards. She had always wanted a fancy black cocktail dress, but they were usually too expensive or too irrational to buy. This particular one was on clearance at a ridiculously wonderful price. She bought it and stashed it in his closet, wanting to wear it to the opera they were planning to attend a few months after the purchase.

When she brought the dress to his house, she proudly showed him her "great deal" and casually mentioned that when she gets engaged, this would be the perfect dress.

A few weeks later, standing in her doorway with her dress in hand, he smiled and came forward to kiss her.

"Well, what are you waiting for. Go put on the dress," he said as he came inside her apartment.

Confused and excited, she put the dress on and picked out a pretty maroon wrap to wear with it.

"I'm coming out" she said with excitement..."Maybe we're going to go somewhere special after the banquet, or maybe we're going to go get cool pictures taken?" she thought as she exited her room.

David had moved further near her room. "What are you doing?" she said as he pulled out a little green box from his jacket.

Woah, she thought, is this really happening?

"Will you marry me?" he asked.

"Ahhhhh!" she screamed as she was shaking her head "yes yes yes".

"Hey, you're not down on one knee" she realized, laughing.

Graciously, he got down on one knee and asked her again.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you."

He slipped the ring on her finger, stood up, hugged and kissed her... all with a new-found passion.

And that, my friends, is how David and Kayla became engaged - Nov. 18, 2008.

And now, my friends, is wedding planning insanity. Just two more months...and I can't be more excited.

Meaningful Monday

To help myself keep this blog updated, I've came up with a list of categories for each day of the week.

Meaningful Monday (meaningful stuff)

Together Tuesday (stories about David and myself)

Wacky Wednesday (things which make me laugh or say "woah, that's wacky!")

Thoughtful Thursday (suggested by co-worker Jennifer - things like "why is the sky blue?")

Favorite Friday (a list of favorites)

and...

Sensational Saturday! (all things extraordinary)

So...onwards we go with Meaningful Monday!

:)

I have a quote/blessing by Mother Theresa hanging in my office. No matter how often I read it, study it and pray it, I still am deeply touched by her words; and I am reminded that life is not as stressful and crazy as I create it to be!

I hope this blesses you!

"May today there be peace within

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content in knowing that you are a child of God. Let this presence settle in your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us."

the girl in the shabby world

I have not blogged in a long time.

In fact, I don't think I've ever kept a blog updated. I do enjoy writing and creating; however, I find I am either too lazy or too paranoid about my words to keep on writing in the public world. So, if you're ever offended of bothered by these (hopefully) forthcoming words in future blogs, I am sorry.

I decided to name this new blog "tattered femininity...and a pursuit of Godly womanhood" for two reasons. First, I don't have a clean and beautiful past (If you ever discover someone who does have one, please point her my way. I would like to take lessons.). I've been broken, beaten, bruised, knocked down, stretched, stained, scared and torn - thanks to my flesh. So, technically,

I believe that makes me a tattered woman.

Secondly, I find that I struggle against the history I carry around. Most of us women can relate. I believe that if I can work to accept this history, move on and continue to pursue Godliness and Holiness in my life, the freedom I have in Jesus will be even more freeing as I discover more of His plan and His word.

Can anyone relate? Am I making sense?

So here i am. A tattered woman becoming restored daily through the freeing power of Jesus Christ.

I plan to blog about everyday things, events, recipes, my future husband, and about my own walk. I hope it inspires you, gives you some good ideas and even helps you out as you pursue your own walk with Jesus. :)