I’ve withered and crumpled. Any pressure which occurred this past year, crushed me. Any wind or storms which blew by carried my leaves and fruit with it. I am so far away.
My constant focus has remained on how I am so far away - away from my family, friends, and everything I’ve ever known. I spent so many days laying in bed, surrounded by Kleenex, wondering, aching, perplexed at my situation. I cried out to God so many times. I was angry, confused, upset, depressed, and helpless. I still am, but things are changing.
A few days ago, I picked my Bible back up. My focus has not been on the Lord this past year. I’ve been consistently concentrating on myself. How can I get a good job? How can I make a name for myself? How can I get letters behind my name? When can I go home to see my family? What can I do to impress others? What a terrible, selfish cycle I’ve been in.
I’ve forgotten about His affections, His peace, His comfort. I’ve forgotten that He wants to be my all. I’ve allowed myself to be far away.
Still, steadfastly, He has never let go, nor let me completely wither in these self-created storms.
So…This is where I am at: I am a child of God. He absolutely must be my only focus.
Because…
I want to be in love with Him again.
Period.
“Hallelujah. Every breath is a second chance. This is always always always Yours.”
3 comments:
Kayla, thanks for sharing your thoughts with such honesty;Our Lord Jesus is awesome and He cares for His sheep and works to bring His own back to Himself because of His great love for those who are His own....Thanks for sharing.
Only God can tell you and show you these things! Praise God. Humans are so often wanting and wanting more. Satisfaction is always behind the next new thing. If only we were rich, If only I could do this or that better, have a better, bigger house (this just happened to me actually), if only I stayed single, if only I were married, if I had a baby...what happened to His grace is sufficient? I don't know - I too have been struggling with a selfishness rather than selflessness.
The first year of marriage is hard in my opinion and that word selfless - is definitely the word that comes up the most during that time. How hard it is to be that.
I am happy that God is drawing you back - that He never left - that you are listening. Always, always get yourself right with God, then EVERYTHING will fall into place.
Love you Kayla May.
Hi buddy, your blog' s design is simple and clean and i like it. Your blog posts are superb. Please keep them coming. Greets!!!
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